teacher Archives - La Charmed Life

Today I welcomed new students as they took a tour of our campus. Under their teenage bravado, I could see their fears fizz up like soda bubbles: Will people like me? Will I look stupid? Will I be enough?

Kids may be surprised to learn their teachers-whether newbies or veterans- start the year with those same fears. We all want to be liked. We want to be seen as confident, beautiful, and intelligent. We want to be enough.

These fears are even more pronounced for me this year. This year, I’ll be trying to be a full time teacher while also trying to be a full time mom of two boys under three. Gone are the days when I could stay at work until my car was the last in the parking lot. Sayonara nights of spending hours grading essays between naps on the couch. No more copious notes in the margins read by few kids ever.

After so many years of giving 110% to a job that demands even more, even 95% really felt like failure.

The strange thing is, while I’ve been forced to give a little less, I don’t think my students have gotten less. In fact, they may be getting a little more.

When I reentered the workforce after Fox was born, something had changed. Suddenly, I saw him in all of my students. I realized that everyone had been someone’s baby. All of those mama bears out there seemed a tad less scary and a tad more relatable. It struck me that the fear I felt in leaving my baby with a “stranger” while I was at work wasn’t so different than the fears these parents must have in dropping their kids off at school each day: Will they be happy? Will they be safe? Will they be loved? (and, oh yes, will they learn?). I realized that while test scores, grades, and knowledge were still very important, the way that kids felt about themselves and the people in their lives mattered too.

Much as mothering felt different the second round, teaching after nearly a decade in the profession feels different as well. The confidence and knowledge I have now was hard won. It took years of developing curriculum from scratch, of trying on classroom management strategies until I found one that fit, and of fiddling with pacing and technology and the wording of e-mails. This uphill battle means I’m able to give ‘less’ now because I gave so much for so long.

Ultimately, you can’t be a working mom without fear of doing both jobs poorly. However, when it comes to being a mom or being a career woman, we have to trust that the sum of our experiences, our intelligence, and our genuine desire to do the best job we are capable of doing (though this may vary moment to moment) is ENOUGH.

Do you still feel like you’re getting the job done at work? How do you remind yourself you’re enough?

Compliment ’til You See It in Their Eyes

The cornerstone of workshop methodology (the one I use in the classroom) is the conference: an intimate meeting of teacher and student in which the teacher researches, praises and then coaches the student’s work.

Christopher Lehman, pedagogical guru, taught me to compliment until I saw acknowledgment in the student’s face. He suggested the phrase, “There’s even a lot of grown ups who can’t do that” (or similar. Sorry, Chris).

It’s easy to throw compliments at our own children, hoping something will stick. Because of the workshop methods, I now try to build language around a compliment until I see that little prideful grin that tells me my son gets it.

Shoot a Hostage

Imagine a bank robbery wherein the robber used empty threats, cajoling, bribes, etc. to maintain quiet and get the loot. No one would take him seriously. Now, imagine another robber who proclaims, “The next person who talks gets it.” If he promptly shot the first speaker, I’m guessing he wouldn’t need to shush anyone else.

I do the same thing in my classroom and at home and I don’t even have to shoot anyone. I try to only make threats I can and will carry out. Also, it doesn’t matter who breaks the rule, the consequence is the same. I think this one is a better fit for down the road with the boys, but I’ll be ready when I need it!

Kids Like Boundaries

When I started teaching, I wasn’t much older than my students. I wanted them to like me. I had rules, but I wasn’t great at enforcing them or at setting boundaries outside those rules. One of my students wrote in my yearbook that first year, “You’re a great teacher, but you let —- get away with too much.” I hadn’t realized that by being “cool,” I was taking away so much from other kids, while also failing to cultivate any respect.

After I realized my classroom management was subpar, I sought help. One of my mentors told me to put on my war paint and get in there every day. Ultimately, I learned the most effective strategy is consistency. Just do what you say you’re going to do over and over again. War paint on.

No Limits

People are often shocked when I share the discussions, projects, and insights my eighth graders are capable of. I’ve always felt that kids are kind of like goldfish; they’ll grow to the size of their bowl. Rather than cap my students at a stereotype of what people think that age group can do, I like to keep my expectations high and leave the possibilities open. With my boys, it’s easy to get caught up in age appropriate milestones, but it’s fun to introduce them to more and see what they’re capable of.

Transitions

By middle school, we have largely abandoned elementary organizational tools. It’s usually me shouting, clean up rather than singing it. Still, I find my students really benefit from front loading. I try to give them an overview of the day at the start of class and mini-intros between activities. If we are headed somewhere new, I try to describe what behaviors I hope to see and hear and why they are important.

Now I do the same at home, I try to tell the boys about upcoming visitors and trips as well as the expectations for behavior with those people and at those places.

So, there you have it. A sample collection of some of the transfer I talked about in “Still the Mom.” What on the job skills do you bring home? Have you stolen any ideas from your kids’ teachers. Share! It’s a lonely world here in the blogosphere.

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Why You’re Enough