by A. Baby
Webster’s dictionary defines crying as ‘to utter loudly,’ however I prefer the alternate definition of ‘to proclaim publicly.’ As a baby, my skill set is limited, but crying is something that’s always come naturally to me. You could say it’s been a talent of mine since birth. While there are those who argue I should be sleeping through the night, I still defend my right to cry because it’s entertaining, it solves problems, and you’re only a baby once.
First and foremost, my night wakings create a lot of entertainment. If you’ve never seen a grown woman crawl across the floor in her underwear, trying to be quiet, you’re missing out. The variety show my parents offer is a nightly wonder: bottles, medicine, dry diapers, bouncing, singing, shushing. I could go on and on. While there are some who believe that because I’m crying, I’m not enjoying the show, I offer that I’m not upset, I’m just guaranteeing a second act. While my parents do their best to make me laugh during the day, the quiet desperation of their nighttime routine is entertainment at its best.
Another reason to cry is because it solves problems. Since day one, I’ve had the philosophy that if it’s broke, cry. In this way, I’ve gotten a diaper change, food, cuddles, etc. Few people can stand the sound of a crying baby for very long, so it’s a way for me to ensure my needs are met on my timeline. Some may feel that there are other ways for babies to indicate their needs, such as gnawing on their hands to show they are hungry, but when it comes to expediting service, crying far surpasses more passive demands. In this way, crying is my solution to most of life’s problems.
Finally, you’re only a baby once. I get three months of being a newborn, and only nine of being an infant. After a year, you’re a toddler, and people start equating that with preschool and a lot of heavy expectations. Right now, I have a lot of adorable rolls and some cute little bunny teeth, but I won’t always (at least I hope not). Obviously, I can’t get away with my crying shtick forever. There are even some who believe that babies my age should sleep through the night, but haters gonna hate (right, Taylor?). This is why I try to live by the philosophy of YOBO (you’re only a baby once).
In conclusion, I will continue to cry for babies everywhere because it’s entertaining, solves problems, and you’re only a baby once. As Charles Dickens once said “We need never be ashamed of our tears.” I for one, won’t be.