Real Complicated Magazine August 2017

How to Make Children the Star of Your Home

 

For one fatigued couple from San Diego, kids take center stage in their Spanish- inspired dwelling.

Stepping into Lacharmedlife’s family home, you have the sense of being enveloped in a cyclone of toys.  It’s as though the motley shelves of Toys ‘R’ Us have wrapped around you in a display reminiscent of Christmas morning.  The look reflects Darcy Lacharmedlife’s general outlook: “My head is really, really cluttered,” says Lacharmedlife, who teaches middle school language arts when she’s not chasing two boys under three.  “I don’t think I’ve slept in three years, and I really wanted this space to capture that.”

The home, purchased just last year, is a patchwork of the various hobbies and interests she and her husband have abandoned over the years.  In a nod to her travel days, found objects from South America gather dust on the shelves.  His passion for photography is highlighted by the equipment in the closet, buried under sleeves of size three diapers.

“I’ve always hated the idea of defined living spaces,” says Lacharmedlife, “so I wanted to create places that brought the nursery inside-in every room.”  Which may be why there’s a Pac ‘n’ Play in the corner of the living room, draped with a banner of colorful paper birds or a crib staged under the dramatically high windows in her bedroom.  

At some level, even guests participate in this blending of spaces.  Visitors often move colorful teething toys off of surfaces before sitting down or exchange the plastic potty for the real one in the bathroom.  “We want them to feel a part of things,” shares Lacharmedlife.

Flaunt Closet Contents

With an au pair sleeping in the third bedroom and no remaining closet space for their son Bear’s clothing, Lacharmedlife chose to boldly display his tiny clothes in plastic tubs at the end of the living room.  “Clothes are normally regulated to closets, but by bringing them out into the open, I think we are really warming up a space that would have otherwise been clutter free.”  

Bring the World Home

The spirit of a bazaar suffuses the home, offering rich smells and sounds at every turn: here, a diaper pail, there a mildewing swim suit, from the monitor a wailing cry.  Nowhere is this sensory montage more apparent than in the kitchen where the meaty scent of microwaved hotdogs wafts over the Method counter spray.

Mix Fabrics and Textures

As children of the 80s, the Lacharmedlifes favor plastic in their decorating.  Think Fisher-Price meets Tonka.  Faux fur, wood, and composite playfully intermingle in Target inspired storage bins.  “Your house should feel like a castle, so the moat of toys around the armchair really brings that concept to life,” Lacharmedlife shares.  

Shop the Look

Amazon

“We do most of our shopping here,” Lacharmedlife notes.  “They have these boxes that we upcycle into ramps, airports, and playhouses.  It’s almost a farm to table feel because the boxes are that fresh.”

Target

“We try for a really middle-class feel, and I think we achieve it,” Lacharmedlife says, gazing lovingly at her husband.  “I think people feel good when they can walk into your home, and say, I have the same thing.”

Zulilly

“I’ve bought everything from maternity gowns to monster slippers on Zulilly; what really makes the buying experience special is the animated confetti that rains down when you click ‘buy.'”

I’m a lazy cleaner; just ask my husband.  I try not to be gross, but I don’t have time-or the gene- for being a neat freak.  Here are a few tips for getting things clean, even if you’re as reluctant of a housewife as I am:

 

          Clean the thing that’s bothering you the most.

Just get it done already.  It’ll probably take you ten minutes, and you won’t have to waste any more time thinking about it.

           Do double duty.

If you’re going to wash the bathroom hand towels, dampen one and wipe down the counter and the mirrors before tossing them in the wash.  If you’re already sweeping, hit down the cobwebs with a broom or give those baseboards a once over.  Bonus points if your double duty includes entertaining a kid (e.g. watering the plants while allowing your toddler to live out his fireman fantasy).

             Cheat.

Use hospital corners to anchor your sheet; this will prevent it from getting all tangled on the bed.  In the morning, just pull up the sheet and the comforter when you get out and the bed is half made.  I learned how to fold hospital corners when I worked at a summer camp, but you can learn how in this super short video.  Tip: they don’t even have to be as pretty as hers to work.

              When you dump your trash, dump it all.

You know how you pull out the trash bag in the kitchen bin only to discover there’s a ton of space left in it?  Well, this is prime time to fill it!  Dump all your small wastebaskets into the bag and get all the trash out at once.   Extra credit if you can get your kids to pitch in gathering the auxiliary trash.

               Use a vacuum as a broom.

Turn off the brush roller and just vacuum your tile or hard wood.  No bending, no dust pan, no sweat.

 

My final tip?  Start a blog.  You can use writing for it as justification for not doing any housework.

What hacks do you have for getting cleaning done when there are better things to do??

 

At first I said no. I hated the idea. Still, my husband looked at hundreds of profiles from around the world, watching videos, reading documents until he was convinced we could find ‘the one.’

Was I actually allowing my husband to choose my mail-order sister wife? No, but sometimes it felt that way. We were actually selecting an au pair to live in our home and care for our son for an entire year.

If you’re thinking about an au pair, or foreign live-in nanny, the best resources for most of your questions are the sites of the major companies themselves, among them Cultural Care and Au Pair in America (APIA).

However, if you want the kind of insights you can only get from a family like yours who has actually experienced the program, read on.

Things We Learned the Hard Way:

Age:

We chose a 19 year old for our first au pair, thinking we wouldn’t have to deal with late night partying or alcohol related incidents.

Ultimately, we learned that you can’t control an adult outside the confines of your home; luckily nothing ever became an issue.   However, we also learned that a lot of festivals, street fairs, and concerts are 21 and up and this age restriction can make for a pretty bored and lonely au pair- a frustrated one too as many au pairs are of legal drinking age in their home countries.

Vehicle:

Originally, we thought we’d be able to simply share one of our existing vehicles with our au pair. Per the company’s policies, this is totally legitimate.  However, keeping track of mileage and gas on a shared vehicle was kind of a nightmare.  Additionally, we didn’t even think about having ‘the talk’ before handing her the keys (namely, what kind of damage we’d expect her to fix and to what amount).

We’ve since designated a car exclusively for our au pair’s use and this has made life easier for everyone.  We’ve also learned that au pairs are responsible for up to $500 in damage (at least through APIA).   Our first au pair had two accidents, the second had a run in with a rock, and we’ve heard a lot of stories about other au pairs who have had similar incidents.

For our third au pair, we plan on marking up a schematic of a car together (like they do at rental car places), so we can be on the same page about what dents and dings were there before she drives it.  We’ve also learned to be clear on what we mean by damage: in our minds, damage is damage but some au pairs may feel that if the damage is only cosmetic, fixing it is optional.  It’s best to communicate before the first incident.

Vacations:

Having an au pair along on vacation can provide you with time to relax sans kids!

It also gives you a chance to get to know your au pair in a new setting and for her to see a new place. However, what is not fun or relaxing for anyone is feeling resentful, frustrated or confused.  We learned that it’s important to communicate whether or not the vacation time will be paid, the hours you expect her to work, and the items for which she should pay well before you set sail.

We are expecting our third au pair in October and have learned so much from each girl. What tips do you have for hosting an au pair or live-in nanny?