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La Charmed Life

The Art of Living Imperfectly

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Renewing Our Vows

September 8, 2017 by Darcy 2 Comments

When my husband and I said, “I do” seven years ago, I thought our vows were touching and honest. Now I know they were shallow lies.

Kidding.

However, they were woefully incomplete, so I offer a more realistic reimagining for couples everywhere:

Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Do you pledge to accept him at 3 AM when his snoring wakes a sleeping baby and he then proceeds to sleep through the crying that ensues (mainly yours)?

Do you promise to honor and obey him when you feel he only sees what you haven’t done versus all that you have?

Will you cherish him even when he has morning breath and eye crusties?

Do you promise to love him in sicker and poorer? No, seriously sicker, like hear it though the bathroom door sicker. And poorer, like over extended, cancel all the extras, in over our heads, poorer?

Until death do you part…think before you answer. Death may be a long way off.

I kid. But seriously. I look back at that day and think of the hope and enthusiasm with which I entered not only the pact of marriage but the prospect of being a homeowner, a mother. I saw myself as the bride with roses in her cheeks, the mother holding the sweet smelling, sleepy baby and the owner of a home where nothing ever broke and there was always banana bread in the oven and shining floors underfoot.

And still, I’d say “I do” all over again to the man I only see for fleeting hours each day in what feels more like a partners’ debrief than the meeting of two people in love.

He has seen me at my most unloveable and yet still lies beside me each night, reaching to find my hand in the dark. I’ve confessed to him my darkest thoughts and he still tells me I’m a good person, a great mother. At the end of the day, I have so little left to give and he gets that.

I may not have the twinkly eyed enthusiasm with which I first said “I do” but the fact that I’d say yes all over again- even under the influence of time, truth and awareness- is worth celebrating.

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Why Your Teen Still Needs You…

August 29, 2017 by Darcy Leave a Comment

As a parent of a toddler and a baby, it’s hard to imagine a time when they will ever be independent.  For the parents of my eighth graders, it may be hard to remember a time when dressing, feeding, bathing, and rocking their kids took up most of their free time.  While the days of brushing your kids’ teeth may be far behind parents of teens, let me stress, your kids still need you!

Here’s how:

Hygiene

Luckily, your teen can now bathe him or herself, but that doesn’t mean he or she has hygiene down.  I can attest to this as I have eighth graders after lunch; the boys come in red faced and dripping with sweat.  Some of them are so pungent, I have to hold my breath when working with them.

Remind your teen to shower daily as well as to apply deodorant.  If my boys were middle schoolers, I’d definitely buy them something like NASTY Cleansing Face & Body Wipes, Post Workout & After Sports, Extra Large (10″ x 12″) Individually Wrapped, 10-Count.  They look pretty manly, and I could imagine slipping a few packets in their backpacks.

My other eighth grade boy pet peeve is their LONG NAILS!!! Even though my boys are still shrimps, it drives me crazy when their nails get long or dirty.  Buying your boys a nice nail trimmer and checking their nail status every once in awhile will help them to avoid being my pet peeve.

Time Unplugged

My then superintendent called school the day after the 2011 Southwest Blackout.  To make up for lost instructional time, she assigned every student to write a page about their blackout experience.  The woman was serious about education.  When the power resumed and we made it back to school, I read through my students’ contributions.

I was struck by how much the experience had mattered to middle school students.  They said things like “my family talked for the first time in a long time.”  They named experiences such as playing board games, swimming in their pools, barbecuing, sitting around a fire, etc.  I thought a night without technology would have destroyed my students, but instead, it seemed to be what they craved because it offered uninterrupted time with their families.steinar-engeland-128831

Someone to Listen

I know that oftentimes I’m the first to share my students’ triumphs and failures with their parents.  Most teens do not contribute a lot of information voluntarily.  However, I think they still want to share but are uncomfortable with a one-on-one conversation.

I suggest finding something you can do together that takes the focus off of talking.  It could be something as active as walking, hiking, kayaking, etc.  or it could be something like baking, working on a puzzle, or making a craft.  The key is that when we’re distracted and busy with our hands, conversation just seems to flow.  A bonus would be if you were able to create something together that served others.  For example, putting together bags to hand out to the homeless in your community could be a cool way to do good with your teen while talking through some of the issues on his or her mind.

Involvement

It’s easy to take a back seat in your kids’ academic lives once they hit middle school, and it’s largely a good time to do it.  They need to own communicating with their teachers, organizing their time, and completing their work.  However, I would definitely recommend having a weekly check-in to go through their scores, grades, and comments.  Almost without exception, schools are offering live grade reports that allow for a transparency that just didn’t exist when you and I were in school.  I remember periodically begging my high school English teacher to tell me my grade; she would then manually calculate a number based on all my scores.  Seriously!

Go through the reports for each class with your teen.  Try to keep your language neutral and stick to exploratory questions: what do you think earned you that particular score?  how might you do a similar assignment differently in the future?  what was your strategy for studying for that quiz?

If they see this time as a means for you to support them, they won’t dread the weekly check-ins and they can serve to diffuse academic situations that could blow up later.  However, if the sessions are just a means for you to vent your frustration with their choices, they’ll be sure to shut down and will be deaf to your coaching.

clarisse-meyer-149492So, there you have it.  What do you do to connect with your teen?  In what ways does he or she still need you?

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Home Decorating Gets Real

August 18, 2017 by Darcy 1 Comment

Real Complicated Magazine August 2017

How to Make Children the Star of Your Home

 

For one fatigued couple from San Diego, kids take center stage in their Spanish- inspired dwelling.

Stepping into Lacharmedlife’s family home, you have the sense of being enveloped in a cyclone of toys.  It’s as though the motley shelves of Toys ‘R’ Us have wrapped around you in a display reminiscent of Christmas morning.  The look reflects Darcy Lacharmedlife’s general outlook: “My head is really, really cluttered,” says Lacharmedlife, who teaches middle school language arts when she’s not chasing two boys under three.  “I don’t think I’ve slept in three years, and I really wanted this space to capture that.”

The home, purchased just last year, is a patchwork of the various hobbies and interests she and her husband have abandoned over the years.  In a nod to her travel days, found objects from South America gather dust on the shelves.  His passion for photography is highlighted by the equipment in the closet, buried under sleeves of size three diapers.

“I’ve always hated the idea of defined living spaces,” says Lacharmedlife, “so I wanted to create places that brought the nursery inside-in every room.”  Which may be why there’s a Pac ‘n’ Play in the corner of the living room, draped with a banner of colorful paper birds or a crib staged under the dramatically high windows in her bedroom.  img_5581

At some level, even guests participate in this blending of spaces.  Visitors often move colorful teething toys off of surfaces before sitting down or exchange the plastic potty for the real one in the bathroom.  “We want them to feel a part of things,” shares Lacharmedlife.

Flaunt Closet Contents

With an au pair sleeping in the third bedroom and no remaining closet space for their son Bear’s clothing, Lacharmedlife chose to boldly display his tiny clothes in plastic tubs at the end of the living room.  “Clothes are normally regulated to closets, but by bringing them out into the open, I think we are really warming up a space that would have otherwise been clutter free.”  img_5577

Bring the World Home

The spirit of a bazaar suffuses the home, offering rich smells and sounds at every turn: here, a diaper pail, there a mildewing swim suit, from the monitor a wailing cry.  Nowhere is this sensory montage more apparent than in the kitchen where the meaty scent of microwaved hotdogs wafts over the Method counter spray.

Mix Fabrics and Textures

As children of the 80s, the Lacharmedlifes favor plastic in their decorating.  Think Fisher-Price meets Tonka.  Faux fur, wood, and composite playfully intermingle in Target inspired storage bins.  “Your house should feel like a castle, so the moat of toys around the armchair really brings that concept to life,” Lacharmedlife shares.  img_5582

Shop the Look

Amazon

“We do most of our shopping here,” Lacharmedlife notes.  “They have these boxes that we upcycle into ramps, airports, and playhouses.  It’s almost a farm to table feel because the boxes are that fresh.”

Target

“We try for a really middle-class feel, and I think we achieve it,” Lacharmedlife says, gazing lovingly at her husband.  “I think people feel good when they can walk into your home, and say, I have the same thing.”

Zulilly

“I’ve bought everything from maternity gowns to monster slippers on Zulilly; what really makes the buying experience special is the animated confetti that rains down when you click ‘buy.'”img_5578

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Theme Parties on Budgeted Time and Money

August 13, 2017 by Darcy 1 Comment

Create an Inspiration Board

As soon as I get an idea for a party, I start a Pinterest board devoted to related decorations, food, drinks, etc.

Definitely over pin. You never know what will be useful and sometimes one idea can lead to another.

Invitations

Save money by sending out a text message. I use the app Pic-Collage to create quick, themed invites, often times using screen shots from the Internet as images (possibly not legally). Once I save the collage I create to my photo library, I can just send out my little invite in a group text.

Use What You Have

A lot of times, I can put what I already have to use, rather than buying decorations. Consider repurposing objects, such as using books or toys in displays.
For example, using my son’s books and toys saved me from Amazon’s siren song of construction decor.

Utilize Sensory Decorations

Music is huge for creating a mood around a party. Pandora is a great app for making stations to support a theme or you can ask Alexa to play related music, if your home is as tech saturated as mine. Choose a movie or series that matches your theme as well. Hulu, Amazon Prime and YouTube might offer you the perfect option.

Be a Decoration

Find how-tos online as to make-up and hair. Mine thrift stores, the Internet and your own closet. Remember that all fashion is cyclical, so even if you don’t have a diamond necklace from the ’30s, you might have a statement necklace from Target that you got in the DiCaprio driven Gatsby revival.

Here I am killing it (no pun intended) as Bonnie Parker for a 1930s birthday.

Tips for Success:

Make lists. To do, grocery, guests, you name it. I use the notes app on my phone so they are always with me and easy to modify.

Try to do as much as you can before hand. Just tackle a little at a time when you have the time.

Focus on what will offer the most juice for the squeeze. If no one will notice the difference between homemade lemonade and frozen concentrate, throw some fresh lemon slices in a pitcher of prepared lemonade and call it a day.

Allow enough time for you to comfortably get ready. Try to be presentable an hour prior to when you can expect your first guests. You can go back to work when you’re done, but at least you’ll be ready to receive guests. Believe the voice of experience on this one!

Get inspired by what’s out there, but make it yourself. Again, it seems like a time suck, but if you start early, you can get a lot done in ten minute increments.
Deviled eggs for my ’60s party. I made them in ten minute intervals over several weeks. Just kidding.

So, there you have it. I love to throw parties, but kids definitely present a challenge to living up to my old celebration standards. What tricks do you have for making a party happen when time and or money is tight??

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Filed Under: Party Time, Uncategorized Tagged With: party planning, tips

A Cautious Throwback: Pining for Parts of the 80s

August 12, 2017 by Darcy 1 Comment

The Internet seems to be blowing up with nostalgia for the summers of the 70s and 80s. There's a longing for a freer, more down to earth approach to parenting and life. I get that. I hate the feeling that I need a vacation from my vacations. And I sometimes worry I base more of my parenting choices on fear of judgment than actual conviction.

Here's a breakdown of what I miss and what I would never revisit:

No Need for a Time Machine

Smoking sections:

Who did we think we were fooling? The smoke didn't care if you were sitting in smoking or non. As a kid, I was never that grossed out by this because I didn't know any different. Now, it strikes me as the equivalent of salmonella or non. No thank you on this one, 80s.

Sunburns:

My parents were pretty good about making us use sunscreen, but I definitely had some of those burns where you peel like a growing iguana. At the time, it seemed like a summer ritual, but now the memory reminds me to make a long overdue appointment with a dermatologist.

TV:

I happen to like my voice controlled remote control and digital guide. I like to DVR shows and to press pause and rewind when my husband is talking through a joke on Modern Family. Yes, there's a certain nostalgia for my three channel childhood of static and getting up to change the channel, but these circumstances pushed me to watch a lot of bad TV. Now I can choose to watch bad TV and do it in style.

Call up Doc Brown

Blissful Ignorance

As far as I know, red dye #5, corn syrup and trans fat were not buzz words. We'd yet to hear of acai, quinoa, or kale (at least in my circles). I'm not saying I want my boys to eat a lot of processed food, chemicals or fat, but I am saying it must have been nice to worry about mold and expiration dates rather than GMOs and going organic. Besides, Kool-Aid, Cheeze Whiz, Handi-snacks, Tang, and Hamburger Helper have that "so bad they're good" thing going on. And they'd be even better if you had no idea they were bad.

Less Screen Time

In the 80s, the only screen we were warned about was the one on the window of the microwave (it's a miracle I have children today as I stood in front of it watching my food spin many a time.). Nowadays, I'm not just concerned about my son's affection for app time, but about my own dependency on my phone for entertainment, information and connection. Living without that distraction and perceived need is pretty appealing.

Lower Expectations

My mom made me a Care Bear when she couldn't find the one I wanted in stores. According to her, it was hideous and she threw it away as soon as she could safely do so. Still, she made it out of love and not to look like Martyr Mom on Facebook.

For a lot of years, I got a microwave cake on my birthday. Does anyone remember those? Not Instagram worthy.

Because it took time to develop a roll of film, our lives weren't always on immediate display. We didn't know what the rest of the world was doing either. I miss the freedom of not having to publish our lives (ironic for a blog writer, I know).

So, there you have it. I think the biggest thing I miss-that we all miss-is that we were children then in a world where the adults we loved had yet to fail us, where we weren't aware of the things we should have been afraid of and where there was still some magic left in our worlds. These are the things I hope to give my own sons, no matter the era we live in.

What did you love about the 80s? What could you do without?

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