La Charmed Life

The Art of Living Imperfectly

Teachable Moments

Why You’re Enough

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Today I welcomed new students as they took a tour of our campus. Under their teenage bravado, I could see their fears fizz up like soda bubbles: Will people like me? Will I look stupid? Will I be enough?

Kids may be surprised to learn their teachers-whether newbies or veterans- start the year with those same fears. We all want to be liked.  We want to be seen as confident, beautiful, and intelligent.  We want to be enough.

These fears are even more pronounced for me this year.  This year, I’ll be trying to be a full time teacher while also trying to be a full time mom of two boys under three.  Gone are the days when I could stay at work until my car was the last in the parking lot.  Sayonara nights of spending hours grading essays between naps on the couch.  No more copious notes in the margins read by few kids ever.

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After so many years of giving 110% to a job that demands even more, even 95% really felt like failure.

The strange thing is, while I’ve been forced to give a little less, I don’t think my students have gotten less.  In fact, they may be getting a little more.

When I reentered the workforce after Fox was born, something had changed.  Suddenly, I saw him in all of my students.  I realized that everyone had been someone’s baby.  All of those mama bears out there seemed a tad less scary and a tad more relatable.  It struck me that the fear I felt in leaving my baby with a “stranger” while I was at work wasn’t so different than the fears these parents must have in dropping their kids off at school each day: Will they be happy?  Will they be safe? Will they be loved? (and, oh yes, will they learn?).  I realized that while test scores, grades, and knowledge were still very important, the way that kids felt about themselves and the people in their lives mattered too.

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Much as mothering felt different the second round, teaching after nearly a decade in the profession feels different as well.  The confidence and knowledge I have now was hard won.  It took years of developing curriculum from scratch, of trying on classroom management strategies until I found one that fit, and of fiddling with pacing and technology and the wording of e-mails.  This uphill battle means I’m able to give ‘less’ now because I gave so much for so long.

rawpixel-com-281361Ultimately, you can’t be a working mom without fear of doing both jobs poorly.  However, when it comes to being a mom or being a career woman, we have to trust that the sum of our experiences, our intelligence, and our genuine desire to do the best job we are capable of doing (though this may vary moment to moment) is ENOUGH.

Do you still feel like you’re getting the job done at work?  How do you remind yourself you’re enough?

Parenting Tips from a Veteran Teacher

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jj-thompson-142854.jpgCompliment ’til You See It in Their Eyes

The cornerstone of workshop methodology (the one I use in the classroom) is the conference: an intimate meeting of teacher and student in which the teacher researches, praises and then coaches the student’s work.

Christopher Lehman, pedagogical guru, taught me to compliment until I saw acknowledgment in the student’s face. He suggested the phrase, “There’s even a lot of grown ups who can’t do that” (or similar. Sorry, Chris).

It’s easy to throw compliments at our own children, hoping something will stick. Because of the workshop methods, I now try to build language around a compliment until I see that little prideful grin that tells me my son gets it.

Shoot a Hostage

Imagine a bank robbery wherein the robber used empty threats, cajoling, bribes, etc. to maintain quiet and get the loot. No one would take him seriously. Now, imagine another robber who proclaims, “The next person who talks gets it.” If he promptly shot the first speaker, I’m guessing he wouldn’t need to shush anyone else.

I do the same thing in my classroom and at home and I don’t even have to shoot anyone. I try to only make threats I can and will carry out. Also, it doesn’t matter who breaks the rule, the consequence is the same. I think this one is a better fit for down the road with the boys, but I’ll be ready when I need it!
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Kids Like Boundaries

When I started teaching, I wasn’t much older than my students. I wanted them to like me. I had rules, but I wasn’t great at enforcing them or at setting boundaries outside those rules. One of my students wrote in my yearbook that first year, “You’re a great teacher, but you let —- get away with too much.” I hadn’t realized that by being “cool,” I was taking away so much from other kids, while also failing to cultivate any respect.

After I realized my classroom management was subpar, I sought help. One of my mentors told me to put on my war paint and get in there every day. Ultimately, I learned the most effective strategy is consistency. Just do what you say you’re going to do over and over again. War paint on.

No Limits

People are often shocked when I share the discussions, projects, and insights my eighth graders are capable of. I’ve always felt that kids are kind of like goldfish; they’ll grow to the size of their bowl. Rather than cap my students at a stereotype of what people think that age group can do, I like to keep my expectations high and leave the possibilities open. With my boys, it’s easy to get caught up in age appropriate milestones, but it’s fun to introduce them to more and see what they’re capable of.

Transitions

By middle school, we have largely abandoned elementary organizational tools. It’s usually me shouting, clean up rather than singing it. Still, I find my students really benefit from front loading. I try to give them an overview of the day at the start of class and mini-intros between activities. If we are headed somewhere new, I try to describe what behaviors I hope to see and hear and why they are important.

Now I do the same at home, I try to tell the boys about upcoming visitors and trips as well as the expectations for behavior with those people and at those places.

So, there you have it. A sample collection of some of the transfer I talked about in “Still the Mom.” What on the job skills do you bring home? Have you stolen any ideas from your kids’ teachers. Share! It’s a lonely world here in the blogosphere.michal-grosicki-226082.jpg

The E-Mail Teachers Crave

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In my first two years of teaching, I think I e-mailed three parents. Total. Now, e-mailing three parents a day sometimes feels like a communication drought.

I have received e-mails that I can’t wait to print and put in my “Feel Good” file (a paper folder of my favorite cards, letters, etc. ). I forward these e-mails to my principal as evidence that I’m sometimes getting it right and I try to humble brag about them to my sister.

Then there are emails that leave me physically shaken. These are the kinds of missives that make even a veteran teacher stumble through her well-planned lesson and are discussed tearfully in the staff lounge. It takes a team of educators to craft a response.

As both a parent and a teacher, I’ve thought of some reasonable guidelines for crafting the kind of e-mail teachers crave (even when it’s not good news).

Crafting the E-mail a Teacher Craves

Start with what’s going right, because inevitably something is.

We’ve all heard the advice to sandwich bad news between compliments. As a mama bear, I understand the knee jerk desire to go for the throat when you feel your child has been wronged. However, remember your goal is to facilitate a positive relationship with a pivotal person in your child’s life.

Offer solutions without creating mandates.

The purpose of the e-mail is not to vent (at least, I hope it isn’t). Instead, it’s likely being sent to address a concern and arrive at a solution. Remember that most teachers already work well beyond their contracted hours and offer pro bono extras to their students. Make sure that the solutions you are offering don’t force the teacher to make exceptions to reasonable policies or do something that would be impossible to offer to all students (e.g. after school homework help every day).

Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and acknowledge that every story has more than one side.

Relate the information as you’ve heard it, trying to stick to facts rather than feelings. Invite the teacher to share his/her perspective in a genuine way. Offer your phone number if you think a call might serve the situation better.

Begin your communication with the teacher, and if possible, end it there too.

Often times, if a parent contacts the principal or superintendent first, those people must refer back to the teacher to understand the context of the situation. The teacher, for his or her part, feels undermined and defensive. By all means, reach out to school administration if you and the teacher can’t arrive at an acceptable solution, but do the teacher the courtesy of checking in with him/her first.

Be respectful.

Keep your tone civil. Creating tension with your child’s teacher will prevent you from working together on future issues and may even make it awkward for your child to be in that teacher’s class. You may also establish a reputation with other teachers, creating repercussions in other subjects and future school years.

During the school day, the teacher is teaching. Allow at least 24 hours for a reply. Don’t send additional e-mails while waiting for a response to your first.

Be positive.

Finally, don’t be afraid to write a positive e-mail first, especially if you have concerns about the teacher going into the school year. Start by saying how excited you are to work with him or her and how confident you are that your child will really grow in his or her classroom. Maybe it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and even if it doesn’t, at least your communication kicked off on a happy, encouraging note.

Share what you love about your child, perhaps even emphasizing the strengths behind their idiosyncrasies. If you preemptively frame your child’s attributes as strengths, then the teacher will likely see them as such.

I hope these tips help you start the year off right with the teachers in your children’s lives. What else do you do to manage the relationship between home and school?

Bringing Literature to Life for Your Toddler

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I'm an English teacher, so of course my sons have a mountain of books. Still, I know that having books readily available is only part of the process of making life long readers.

The other thing I know is that texts aren't the only way kids acquire ideas about story structure, plot and character development. With both my toddler and my eighth graders, I acknowledge movies and TV shows as means of practicing prediction, inference and analysis, just as they would with serious literature.

Or maybe I'm just trying to justify my son's daily dose of Curious George.

To further assuage my mom-guilt over screen time, I've been trying to add enriching tie-ins to his Curious George obsession.

The other day, we headed to See's Candy as a way of recreating George's trip to the chocolate factory. At least this Curious George story was actually from a book, but there's also a television episode about George selling candy (why do they let the monkey touch people's food?  Do they know where his paws have been?)

The bonus of this literary tie-in: free samples. If you live in or are visiting California, this is an important piece of knowledge-visit See's, get a delicious sample.

I didn't do this (she says sheepishly), but asking him to compare and contrast the candy shop we visited with the one in the book (or the TV show or both!) would have made the trip more cerebral. Even just simple recall questions-what was George's favorite candy? would have beefed up the brainy side of the trip. I guess I got distracted.

Today, we decorated his door with circles a la the doors in the clown school George visited in an episode we watched. The one wherein he goes to see Pepe Loco, if you're curious (see what I did there?).

I'm not sure who's enjoying these tie-ins more-he or I, but what I'm hoping is that he is seeing stories come to life and that this will make him love literature as much as I do. Or at least love See's as much as I do.
Stay tuned for more literary or "literary" inspired adventures and activities!!
–Darcy