When we think about our evolution from single to married to motherhood, we might lament some of the things we’ve lost along the way: time to watch enough Mad Men to feel as though you’ve time traveled, the ability to lose the tube of fat under your navel, and the freedom to think only of yourself.
Still, when I think about what I’ve gained, it’s kind of awesome. Yeah, yeah, two beautiful boys, but really, it’s about my super powers.
I can see in the dark well enough to change a poopy diaper or administer 3.75 ml. of Tylenol into a moving baby’s mouth. I can find Monkey after a household of people have already admitted defeat. I can detect belly breathing in a grainy monitor’s feed. In short, I am amazing.
I can determine the difference between solitary play and sneakiness. I can detect itty bitty baby breaths a bassinet away while dead asleep. I can hear the door click that proceeds a toddler’s escape across an entire sleeping household. I can even hear you reading this.
I can cross a minefield of toys that squeak, blink and roar without a sound. I can close a door with a whisper. I can even tame a toddler into silence while we retrieve a toy from the room of his sleeping sibling.
I can change a toddler’s behavior with an arched eyebrow. I can change a fussy baby’s scrunched face into a smile by bobbing my head. I can will them to sleep a little longer through the monitor by thinking, “Just keep sleeping, sleeping.” You know the tune.
So, maybe my skills aren’t as cool as letting my eyes roll back in my head while I conjure up a thunderstorm or hurricane, but you really should see me in action. But given my skills, you probably can’t.
What’s your X-mom skill?